It's been 20 days..

I saw my mother 3 days ago..in her room downstairs..back when she was sick but still can walk,stand,sit,move on her own..and eat and drink..bleh melawak lg and talk and sembang2 with me and my sisters..i can hear her laughed..it sounded so sweet and so real..She was in her telekung with the purple flowers..it was her favourite..Everytime i went downstairs to check up on her she will be in that telekung sitting on the chair, praying or reading during her sick,difficult period.
Anyway we were talking, and sembang nonsense2 mcm normal and joke around and stuff when suddenly i was in my bed, awake, and crying to myself. It was all just a dream..a dream that i wish i stay on a little longer..It's been 20 days since my mother,mama, left me and my family,permanently. Mama telah kembali ke rahmatullah tanggal 11 Mei 2010..after 1 year battling with cancer..

Aku redha dgn ketentuanNya..i can't fight fate..sooner or later in live the things you love you'll lose..It was just her time..it's just that..i feel like i didn't spend that much time with her and there were so many things that i wish i had act or said differently towards her..Everything happened so fast..one day she's all jovial and normal and the next she can't speak and couldn't even move.

Here i am,with tears running down my cheeks,at 7.52am(still awake since yesterday)writing a blog for the first time,just so i can expressed this feeling i bottled up inside. This pain is unbearable..aku doa tiap2 hari spy Allah tabahkan aku..and of course i'll pray for mama..I know she's in a better place, Insyaallah..I love u ma..and i miss u so much..